Ep. 13 Mama, You Are Powerful


Laura First of all, I want to know what drew you to my page. How how did you find me?

Teddy Well, honestly, I think it was through like a promoted something put it through

Instagram. And I saw one of your pieces and I was just like, wow, that is so pretty. And then I was like, wow, she's a mom now. Something I'm really passionate about is supporting other moms and makers and artists. So I knew that I had to follow you.

Laura Well, I'm glad that you have followed because I've enjoyed following you back and then see what you're doing daily, and I love your stories. I'm not good about posting on my stories. I'm trying to be better about it. But I enjoy scrolling through your stories and seeing all the things that you have to talk about.

Teddy Thank you. I. I try to just be myself. And I'm like at this point in my life, if someone doesn't like it, then unfollow me, cause they're not the potential clients I'm trying to reach.

Laura You have to polarize the people who come to your page because you want them to love you for exactly who you are and what you believe and feel and think about. Obviously, if you say one thing, then there's going to be a percentage of people who disagree. That's just natural.

Teddy If anything, hopefully, it will just put a seed in their head and just start thinking.

Laura Tell me a little bit about you as a mom, like what that journey has looked like so far. I want to know all about it.

Teddy I became a mom really unexpectedly. I was 18 and I was using birth control. Yeah. When I found out I was pregnant, I was actually four months pregnant. I thought I had like a weird flu or something going on. But from the moment we found out we were pregnant in the hospital, my partner and I were both like, we love each other and we want to start a family. And we already planned on doing that later in life. So we really felt like we're just going to start now. And then after I had my first daughter, I just really fell in love with it. And I never had siblings so I was really lonely. I was like, I really would love for my child to experience having a sibling and then my second daughter came. And then it's like, well you might as well have three. I think we're done with biological children now. Yeah. We'll see.

Laura Do you plan on adopting at any point?

Teddy I would really, really love to foster. I live in Arizona. It really is a huge crisis. Children not having anyone, it absolutely breaks my heart because I know I'm not a perfect mom. Nobody is. But, I have enough love and I know that in a few years from now we will have enough money for children. And I'm like, I may not be able to send them to Harvard or take them to Costa Rica every summer or whatever. But I can feed them and make sure they have everything they need, even if they were only with me for a little bit.

Laura Me and Lucas definitely want to adopt at some point. I think a child most likely from Brazil because that's where he grew up. So, you just got a new house?

Teddy Yes. Oh, my. It still doesn't feel real. It's very surreal. I've never lived like this. It's funny, the house numbers add up to my favorite number. They add up to 19. When I was pregnant with my youngest child, Simon, I've always lived with depression from the time I was 4 years old when I was pregnant with him. It was really honestly the worst it had ever been. And so the only thing that got me through the day was reading and someone gifted me a Stephen King book. He has an Easter egg in his books and it's the number 19. And you will find it in any book he's written. He's gonna throw that in there and it's gonna be important. And so I think whatever you pay attention to, it's like, what is that, the red car theory? So I really while I was pregnant with Simon 19 was important because it got me through literally like thirty books looking for that number. It sounds silly that, you know, it's a fictional book, but some people have. Harry Potter. Yeah. The Twilight series. And for me, it was the Dark Tower series by Stephen King.

Teddy They deal with like the whole theme of there is light and darkness everywhere and how we have to find it in ourselves like the good and ourselves to get the good out there. So long story short, the number 19, just like really, really got me through my pregnancy. And then just like looking for houses, because where we were living was it was not safe. The house was from the nineteen-thirties. There was mold. They wouldn't they just the landlord wouldn't fix stuff. So they found this house that the rent is less than the old place that was falling apart. It's crazy. Like every time I walk into the front door I'm like this. I can't believe this is my house. It feels like a lucid dream.

Teddy It was like six years ago my partner quit his job with an international company, even though he was doing or doing really well because he was so unhappy. So went from living in a nice house to living in my mom's guesthouse to living in the worst tiny apartment, where, like literally thousands of cockroaches would crawl out of the walls at night, it was like a horror flim. After you've been through that. And then also to see my neighbors, what they had to go through. They had no light at the end of the tunnel. It was like, no, this is our reality. We don't make enough money. This is where we're always going to be I felt so trapped. But I just had to remind myself, like, this isn't forever. And we have to sometimes, you know, you have to do all the hard work. And that's what my partner was doing at his job. He started at the bottom. And now over the years, he's worked his way up. And now we're in a position where we can have this house. Money to buy a house and go on trips and put our kids in camp. So. It's been six, almost seven years of just like really, really working hard and having to be patient. And there were times where I just wanted to quit. But we did it, and now that I'm here, I'm like, well, I don't need anything else. Like, I never need anything else. And so we're happy with this.

Laura It's beautiful, though. I love that. And in reading the bio that you sent over, I noticed that one of the biggest themes was feminine power. Why don't you elaborate on why are you so passionate about that?

Teddy Well, I mean, honestly, it started from the time I was young, my mom was always independent. She worked on call 24/7 my whole childhood. So she was a really strong example, what a woman could be when they stepped in their power. But at the same time, my grandmother was very much like women shouldn't work out of the house. Like, you need to look a certain way. You need to speak a certain way. So it was it was really conflicting. And I still have trauma from my grandmother and her beliefs that she pushed on me. So for a long time, I thought a woman had to act a certain way. I was like, you have to always have full hair and makeup. You have to always, you know, have dinner ready when your husband gets home. Like, this is what's life. This is what life is gonna be like for me. And there was a crippling depression that was like, no, no, no, no, no. I don't want that.

So when I did get pregnant, it was my first pregnancy was very difficult. Having a very, you know, what people would call an easy birth. It was under 10 hours. I didn't tear. My baby was healthy and perfect. But my my birth plan wasn't followed. The doctor took over and did some things. That was just shocking. Yeah. So after that and looking back through my life, it was so transformative to be like, whoa! Everyone has told me, like, women can't do these things. This is this is the box and this is what you're supposed to fit into it. If this is what you want to be a real woman. And so after I had my baby, the nine months after that, I was like, no, a woman is strong. If I can push out a baby like I can do anything. It's so sure. And that's when I really got invested into the birth community here locally. And it honestly, if it wasn't for Instagram, I never would have found out about natural birth. I never would have found out about the divine feminine. And what a woman could be. So. Yeah, like Instagram can suck sometimes. But really, without it, I think it would have taken me a lot longer in life to realize like just because I am a woman and just because I have certain body parts that I have to play a traditional role, I can do anything I want to do. I'm strong enough to do anything.

Laura Once you push a baby out of your body, you are. You feel like a rock star. I mean, I cannot I. Believed it that it had happened, but I also was like, wow.

Teddy Yeah, I know that like you had a natural birth, too. So was it what you thought it was gonna be or was it even better or it was just a combination of.

Laura I mean, it was harder than I thought it was gonna be. But also as hard as I thought it was gonna be, I knew I was in for the ride of my life. I kind of told myself ahead of time, like, it's going to be insanity. And that's okay. I was able to do it anyway. You know, I was able to push through it and I was able to keep myself somewhat grounded with the help of people around me and I want to do it again. And that in itself is for me insane. You're powerful and you're strong and you've got more inside of you than you think that you know. I mean, there were moments where I was scared. There was moments when I was like, heck, yes, I've got this. It was just kind of like this giant roller coaster ride of emotions of like, what have I done? And then, oh, man, this is the best decision ever. It was I mean, it was beautiful. I. It's hard to put into words, honestly.

Teddy No, I'm I'm still speechless. Like, I've done it three times now and there's no other feeling like it when you've actually done it. And like all like you push out your baby and then like, all the pain is gone, all the worries are gone. And it's like I'm done. But you're totally right. You just have to keep pushing through it. And that's what I reminded myself every time it's like this will end like pregnant near the end of pregnancy. A lot of women are like, I'm going to be pregnant forever.

Laura That's what I felt like.

Teddy With birth, I was like, I wasn't pregnant forever, the birth wont last forever. I just have to keep going. With my third birth, I decided to have a homebirth. The beginning of my labor was totally normal and great. And then I realized based on what I was experiencing, the sensations, I was like, Oh, I'm having back labor. A lot of people and a lot of my Doula clients who had back labor are like "epidural" and I understood that. But then after experiencing back labor and how unpredictable it was, unlike my previous first where the contractions were steady, waves. This was all over the place, it would come out of nowhere. I'd feel nauseous. I'd vomit. It was not what I expected, but I had to laugh because even though this is not what I expected. I'm still going to go through it. It was my birth plan. And so I still I did what I wanted to do. I just kept moving. I didn't let it control me. I decided not to be afraid. Eventually the baby's gonna come out one way or another.

Teddy But like I'm like I'm getting chills talking like that because it was so incredibly empowering. And after that third birth, really, that's when I decided to go back to school. And now that like I've done that and I'm doing that, I'm like, this is like cake. You know, I pushed out a 10-pound baby in my bathroom. Like everything else is going to be painfully easy.

Teddy So I guess getting back to why I want to empower women is so many women don't realize that. They think they have to be something. They think they don't have that strength inside of them. They think, oh, I could never do that. That's crazy. And it's like if you were a man, you wouldn't talk to yourself that way. But because you have brought up to be that perfect little girl, you're like, oh, no, you can't do that. So every woman I meet, I try to be like, you can do anything, anything you want. You just have to actually do it.

Laura What are some suggestions that you have for women who are, you know, seeking to grow in that area of empowering themselves?

Teddy I think you really have to decide. What what you want. And that can be really difficult because a lot of people don't know what they want, they're happy not deciding anything, they're happy just kind of going along. But if you decide I want something different, just sit down and like start journaling every day or you can talk to your friends about it or if you need to, you can go talk to a therapist about it and decide really what you want. And so for me, I was like, I want my ultimate goal is I want to be able to provide for my family. And when my kids are like 10 years, I'll be like, guess what? It's your birthday. We're going to see the pyramids in Egypt. That's what I want to be able to do. And I know I want to work in the birth field.

Teddy So it's a lot of hard work and self-realization. But that's where you have to start is with yourself and deciding what you want. And then just every day doing just a little bit and doing a little more than you did the day before. Like if on day one you wake up early. That's awesome. That's all you need to do then focus on the next day. Wake up early and spend just five minutes meditating more five minutes journaling or even it can be simple things like sometimes you're too tired to do your laundry or do the dishes or play with your kids. But just telling yourself like I'm gonna work on myself, so I'm going to do this for five more minutes and then it becomes such a habit that you're not even thinking about it. And it's invigorating and exciting and you want to be better. And so you're OK with with spending that energy on things that a year ago you would have been like, oh, no, I can't do it. Oh, yeah, I can do it. I want to do even more.

Laura Guess I'm. Thinking back to the moment after bringing Luna home, just like, how am I gonna do this? I have to care for this little baby. She relies on me. And now I'm like, I've got this. Of course, there are moments where I think that all hell has broken loose. But for the most part, I can do this. I am a frickin champion. But there are definitely moments where I'm like, I got her all ready. I did the dishes, I cleaned the house. I'm doing my business, you know, like sometimes I'm killing it at the mom game. And it just really is such a crazy feeling to say, yeah, I'm doing that. Like all of these things that I've never even imagined for myself are becoming reality, which is crazy.

Teddy So you don't think like before you had your baby, you weren't as determined?

Laura Definitely not. No. She lit a fire inside of me after I found out that I was having her.

Teddy Do you think it like easier for you because you had a good support system?

Laura I mean, yes and no. Like I've always been the type of person who if I have an idea. And I want to make it happen. I will go after and I will like do my darndest to make it happen. But I think that my support system, primarily my parents and my family, although we may not agree on everything. They did instill a lot of valuable like beliefs and lessons like responsibility and, you know, don't quit those sort of things like. I'm learning that sometimes it's okay to say, no, I need to close this chapter of my life and move on to something else. But having the resilience to keep going was something that I definitely learned as a child. And I kind of just took that with me throughout life. But now I'm more determined for myself rather than for others. I think for a long time I was doing those things to make my parents happy and to make them proud of me or like my grandparents, be proud of me because they have that expectation of who you should be as you're growing up and like who they see you becoming. When you're not really aligning with that and start following a path for yourself not for them, then it's a huge adjustment. But like after you go through those growing pains, for me, it's really beautiful. I mean, my relationship with my parents has gotten better and my relationship with myself and the world around me feels so much more rewarding being who I am now rather than who I was, because I thought that was who I should have been.

Teddy So many people I've seen like or like on Instagram, you know, in social media, they sat "motherhood, really made me realize who I am." And before I had my kids, I was very certain of who I was. And now I'm like, who is that? I have no idea who I was or what I actually wanted. And while I'm not who I thought I would be at all at this age in life, in a lot of ways, I'm even better. I might not have the job I thought I was going to have or the status or whatever, but my actual human like qualities of a human being. I'm empathetic. I'm strong and caring. I try to be a good friend. With my children, I try and put love into everything I do. That is not what I ever thought about before. So if I had never become a mom, I might not have found know. That deepness inside of me that is is love and kindness and wanting to share that with everyone I meet like anyone who's having a hard day like me.

Teddy I see so many moms who are really struggling with finding themselves and I think they see other women on Instagram. She knows who she is. And I'm like, no, they don't. Like we're all still figuring it out. Some of us are more okay with putting out the current image we have out there. But just because you don't have that doesn't mean that you're bad or that you're falling behind. It just might mean that you need to spend a little more time for yourself. So I guess I'm really lucky that I do have a support system now. And I didn't have that relationship with my mom before I had kids. Being a mom and then realizing how much she did and seeing her blossom as a grandmother, I'm like, well, like if I didn't have that and then the few close friends that I have, like it would be a really, really, really hard time. So I definitely feel for those moms out there who live in rural communities and don't have anyone like. That's why social media is amazing. Like because you can step out of your comfort zone and make those connections with people. The thing about balancing is you can't compare yourself to others even though you really want to. I still view all of the time and I always tell myself comparison is the thief of joy.

Laura It totally is. I mean, my Instagram is growing and like beautiful things are happening in my life. But just like you said, I still fall prey to comparing myself to women. Whether that means more likes or more followers or their life just looks more put together than me. None of that matters. It's it really comes down to, do you have joy in your life. Are you bringing joy to others? Are you pursuing your dreams and your passions and working towards being the best version of yourself, whatever that looks like? It doesn't matter what somebody says about a photo that you take, because that's just a snapshot of that current reality. You know, even if you're trying to be as authentic as possible. There's no way that they're stepping into your shoes entirely and your life. And I think that's a valuable thing for people to remember when they're scrolling through Instagram or even Facebook, whatever that looks like.

Laura So as a mom, what is a lesson that you want to pass on to other moms that you have learned and you think is super valuable?

Teddy I think mostly like you have to believe in yourself and know that this is all so temporary, so unbelievably temporary, like as soon as your kids hit middle school or high school like they don't need you. Yeah, they do. But really, like, know they're gone. They're their own person. So even though you have days where you're like, I can't do this or like you're just crying or like the house is disgusting or your bank account is in the negative, like. Just have faith in yourself that as long as you do everything with love, that it's going to be okay. This is not going to last forever. Nobody. I mean, yes. A bad gig, a bad day can turn into a bad decade. But really, we all have bad days. Everything is like birth. Everything is pregnancy. It's not going to last forever. So if you just like, hold on to the pillar of strength inside yourself and tell yourself like, I can do this. My mother did this or, you know, my grandmother did this. Or if you don't have a relationship with your family, people in your past have brought you to this moment now and they've done it in way worse circumstances. Like we think that we have it hard, but we're not having to go and plow the fields. And then, you know, way back when hide because a mountain lion is coming to eat us. But really, we can totally get through this. It's not as crazy difficult as our little monkey brains are making it out to be.

Teddy I think that we get in a mindset where it's almost easier to give in to being sad and depressed and give in to the mindset of "I'm just giving up because it feels good to let it all go." But it's not going to be worth it. Do you really just have to believe in yourself and find that strength and be like, "no, I'm not going to choose the easy way and give up." I'm just going to doing this every day. And then one day I'm going to turn around and all my kids are gonna be in high school or college or they're gonna not choose to do that and they're gonna go and be a craftsman and you're gonna have an empty house and you're going to be crying and be like, oh, my God, I want all those kids back. Find your strength within yourself and know that it is real strength and then keep going.

Laura I love what you said, finding that strength and knowing that it isn't going to last forever and the fact that it's so similar to birth. You have to be willing to work through and fight for what you want out of life. I mean, I think there are very rare circumstances when things just fall into people's laps. But the reality of it is like you have to fight for it. You have to want it. And that's just daily intention.

Teddy And we're working on it every day. Like it kind of upsets me when people are like, oh, like, you have to manifest it. And I'm like, you don't know what manifesting it. Like manifesting is getting up every single morning. And working on it even five minutes. You know, it probably could be like an hour, but like you have to be really patient and committed so often. You know, in today's society, we have instant gratification. We want all we want now. We can get it. We want food. We go to the grocery store. We don't have to wait in the hall to watch it grow on the ground. Anything we can want, we can have almost instantly. And it's like the things that are really hard or often worth it. Like, if you want to start a business, you're not going to make a ton of money in the first year. I think the average is like it takes like five years to usually, like, make all your money back or something. But, you know. You have to be so committed and so patient, and that's really, really difficult. Like my practice that every day. But oh my gosh, sometimes I just like I do want to scream and be like, please, just like a giant pot of money fall on my face. But even then, like money doesn't solve your problems. If I hadn't done all this hard work, I wouldn't have the knowledge that I have now.

If you want to learn more about teddy check out her instagram @mamamarigold or her two etsy shops Monsoon Vintage and Mama Marigold.

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